The move

The cover is dated May 16, 2012 and titled THE PALANTIR INVESTIGATIVE PLATFORM. "Prepared for" lists Michael Hyman of the NYC Department of Finance Audit Division and Michael Flowers of the NYC Financial Intelligence Center. Two named Palantir contacts, with emails and phone numbers, sit below.

Why it works

• Our readTwo buyer names with their offices on the cover show the document was written for those offices, not sent as a generic brochure.
• Our readA named pair of Palantir contacts with direct emails and phone numbers gives the buyer someone to call instead of a switchboard.
• Our readThe plain white cover with a confidentiality notice reads like a procurement document, which fits a government buyer.

What not to copy

Don't copy the legal boilerplate paragraph or the six-office address strip. Keep the prepared-for and prepared-by blocks, with a named person on each side.